There are certain sartorial choices you regret even as you are putting them together. And yet, still they happen, as if the universe never warned you.
About two months ago I was browsing Piperlime, and specifically the celebrity picks section. I am not proud of this. Anyway, after scrolling through Rachel Zoe's and Rachel Bilson's selections (too Santa Monica, too your-stylist-picked-that-for-you, respectively), I happened upon Olivia Palermo's. You might remember her from MTV's The City. (Or you might not, if you're the sort with an ounce of dignity.) I always hate-liked Olivia. On one hand, her skin was far too pretty for her deep-seated insecurity; on the other, next to Joe Zee she was the smartest dressed on the show. So naturally, of the three guest stylists, I liked her choices the best. About halfway down the page I noticed an outfit I immediately pictured myself wearing for my company's Christmas party: black long sleeve tee (check), black fur vest (pretend I don't see it), sequined shorts (buy!), black tights (check) and black ankle boots (check). I had to have the shorts. As I often do with clothing I 100% need, I visualized all the other things in my closet that would also go perfectly with them, for example, white short-sleeved tee, Converse low tops. Actually it only takes one outfit for me and I'm in. So I got them. And I've been waiting ever since to wear them. I smiled when I packed them for Brazil. 
I've been staring at my sequined shorts all week. Mostly because they are a stark departure from the hobo look I typically sport on vacation. The problem is one of comfort and convenience: I wear the same things over and over again because they're comfortable and also because I'm lazy. Also, for going out, I prefer dive places over fancy stuff on vacation. So the cute white Sessun dress I had envisioned wearing while sitting by a pool sipping a caipirinha never made it out of my suitcase. Long story long, I couldn't wait to don my new shorts for our last night in FdN at one of the island's best restaurants.
And then I tried them on. Somehow I hadn't thought to do that earlier. Not only was I not sure I even liked them, they were itchy in a foreboding sort of way. So I put a poll out on Facebook ( of course), and I asked: Yay or nay? But then I threw caution to the wind and wore them without looking at the comments. I didn't end up regretting the aesthetics. Y'all, I looked SO cute standing in line at the buffet.
I wish I could say it ended there. Those shorts are still with me. Well, the blisters caused by the sequins rubbing against my skin on the disastrous mile and a half walk home are still with me. The scene, in retrospect, was pitiable. I fashioned those shorts into everything from a diaper to low-riders, changing every 20 or so paces, when the chafing in a particular spot became unbearable. My friend even offered me his sweater to use as a skirt instead. I stoically declined. I'm fine, I insisted.
When I finally got home, I checked Facebook. Turns out the poll came in fairly even. Some were more diplomatic than others, (my "curls would make anything look cute!"). I jokingly said that I needed Neosporin, and then woke up this morning to find that it wasn't a joke after all. :(
So this will be the story that I tell when I explain at my company Christmas party next week why I'm wearing MC Hammer pants.